How Not To Suck: Don't be like Mike part 1

News: If you were reading this blog for Benrikian related news feel free to tune into my actual Benrikian Blog. I'll post the link in the about me section. This blog is now by request and approval being turned into a "How not to suck" manual.


This week: How not to suck: Don't be like Mike.
In order to dodge being a slanderer. I won't post this idiot's last name. But I an be so bold to say this guy named Mike I know. Has no friends. I'm not his friend. I hate this kid. For good reason. he has a martyr complex. That however is not the only reason I dislike him for a great deal.
The main reason I can't stand him is because he stalks my friends. He isn't the only one. There are lots of others mostly how have received stalker nick names. There is nothing more detrimental to having decent friendships that recieving the nick name with stalker in it. Stalker Dave, Stalker JMC, Asian Stalker.
Some of the best advice is that you are NOT A STALKER. Don't be a Stalker. 5 words. They are very simple to follow. Don't attach yourself to someone emotionally and phyisically who clearly rejects you and follow them everywhere. It's not a good idea.
Also don't get thier personal information and send them several letters and e-mails confessing your already rejected love for them. Do not under any circumstances invite yourselves along on their parties or trips and events. Don't bitch to everyone they know that you love them and ask for advice on how to make them love you.

I understand and so does everyone that getting and keeping friends is not easy, but acting like a creepy person does not lend any credit to your case.
Harassing people because they have done something you dislike also does not help. Do not report false occurances of harassment simply because you feel wounded. Sometimes it's hard to move on. But usually that's what you need to do. If you need to move on and find new friends who are into different stuff that's a great idea.

Rather than alienate everyone who knows you already by acting like a martyred and self important mousey somebody who only knows the ability to be a buzz kill.

Another aspect of stalking is definitly reading peoples livejournals and facebook status updates and then talking to them constantly of what they've written with random references not actually tied into anything that they or you have said during the whole conversation.
ex: Me: Yea, it was a heck of a zoo trip Him: I bet, and if you ever need someone to talk to any time of day feel free to call me.
I sat there for a good hour trying to figure out what the hell he was talking about. Two days later I figured it out I had bitched about how no one was online to talk to at 4am. Well to be fair to everyone else it was 4 fucking am. No one is supposed to be online. I didn't mean to imply I never had anyone to talk to. Which is apparently what he assumed. Still there was no need to just drop a line like that. One time I also got into a car with him and he made a reference to a livejournal account I had that he wasn't not supposed to know about. How he found out I do not know, but to cut a long story short I could write entries and entries on how not to suck off his example. I felt it important to include that little tidbit however.

Thank Mike and Tam for this Shining Example of Douche Bag. Now you know more of what.. NOT TO DO


~Lizard

Teach Mother Nature who is in charge. Also: How to be a better friend.

So you guys are gettign a real short entry for the Benrik Section. I was supposed to teach mother nature who was boss this week. Since I was barely home and spent my days falling through ceilings and spreading fiber glass insulation everywhere Mother Nature only had to deal with my neglecting my bunny, and leaving my computer, monitor, speakers, light and space heater on for a week straight. Solid. I was also super lazy. And was either driven or walked everywhere. I also shoveled lots of horse shit. Boo on me.

The main chunk of this blog is taken up in my new past time.. writing how I think my "friends suck" and thusly giving you ( whoever reads this ) an instruction manual on how NOT to be a shitty friend.
The first installation into How to Be a Better friend.. a.k.a Maybe you suck and don't know it yet is all about friend courtesy.
Specifically? Job References: How to get your friends to agree to lie officially for you.

Everyone has dreaded job interviews and everyone totally lies about something they say they can do so they can score the job and land some cash. "Yes I can type. Yes I love kids. Yes I'm a people person. No I don't mind working early in the day to late late at night." It's not wrong.. per-se. Asking a friend to be a reference.. also not wrong. But it's all in how you do it.
First off usually it's important that you get a friend who doesn't have moral qualms about lying for you. If you ask they will probobly say no.. and then you're screwed.
Second it's important that you fucking ask your god damn so called friend if they MIND if you use them as a reference. DO NOT just have whatever job you used them as a reference for call them as soon as you leave an interview asking your so called friend to describe you and your work ethic without any warning. If you do this to the wrong person they might give a bad recommendation .. just to teach you the lesson you so obviously deserve.
Third. It's very important that if a friend is going to lie for you, that they are actually friends with you. You need to ask someone you can trust, who also trusts you. If you ask a friend who secretly hates you to give a job reference and for shits and giggles behind your back tells your might maybe soon to be boss that you actually smoke pot all the time and you were fired for being a smart ass lazy worthless human being and that he not only regrets hiring you but would hunt down and burn down any company that considers it. If it's not a glowing recommendation, and you're not sure they'll give you one. Don't do it.
Fourth. Assuming that your friend has already agreed to lie for you, and they will say something nice. Make it easier for them. Don't ask them to lie for you in an obviously bogus situation. If you are allergic to pets don't ask them to lie and say you are great with animals. If you secretly hate children don't ask them to pretend they hired you as a nanny. If you like having sex with dead people don't apply for the FBI and ask them to appear as a character witness and blah blah blah. you get the jist of it.

Don't do what my some what not so courteous friend did and had two seperate jobs call me and ask me if I would hire her again and if she was any good with kids. I am a decent person and lied nicely for her, but I haven't seen her face to face in a little over three months at least. And I have absolutely no fucking clue how she is with kids. It was very irritating for my sushi buffet lunch to be interrupted so I could lie for someone who I secretly think is a bit of a fucking flake.
I kind wish I had said so. but I didn't.. that would have made ME the shitty friend. ( and I'm not)

On the getting friends to lie for you issue this also brings Keeping thier big mouths shut. If you can keep a secret for your friend, you friend can keep a secret for you. You would be suprised how good a zipper loyalty can make. Don't be a blabber mouth about your friends conversations with you and thier indescretions. In the end if you have something on them. They have something on you. And backstabbing contests usually end in embarassment. Unless they are like me and have no shame.. in which case you shouldn't stab someone who has no shame in the back. They don't have limits.

That's all for now.

Does your friend suck? Do you need advice on how to get your friend to be a better friend? Is there some total asshole who's causing you issues and you want to know how to get decent revenge and still seem on the straight and awesomely narrow? Leave a comment and get a response. Hell maybe even a whole entry devoted just to you. Or those you hate.

Toodles for now

~Liz

Watch, wait.. Sleep?

I don't think I've been home for more than two hours this week. if this is what living my crazy life is like, I have one word. Goddam. This week's task was to watch someone sleep everynight of the week for four hours. I think maybe I pulled off two hours every day. which isn't that much but I don;t have the patience to sit and watch someone for four hours. I did however spend almost every night sleeping at a friends house so it's not so bad.
I ended my week getting pretty damned trashed. I don't think I'm coherent enough to still write a proper entry about it so you suckers.. this is the blog you get.

I left my house monday morning at 9:30 am. I didn't set foot back in my house until friday morning 9:00 am. I was there till 11. I haven't been back yet and probobly won't be till sunday. I shudder to think what I'm not doing that I'm supposed to. Oh well.


That's all for now I'll make a proper not I'm sobering up post later.

I'd apoligize.. but honestly.. uh.. who reads this anyway?


Liz Out.

The Beginning of Changing my Life '08'

The title of this blog reminds me of the new station updates. "ELECTION.. 04"

Well this post is the first weekly update on my Effort ot change my life set down by the Benrikian Gods.

This week is rebirth week, I'm to get my loved ones to list my bad points.

My mother said I was a good daughter and she doesn't care how messy my room is.
One sister said I had a poor sense of time and distance especally in reference to driving, and especially when I'm not driving. She added I was vulgar.
The other sister said I take offense to easily and need to comb my hair.
One friend said I was loud and obnocsious but it was a good thing.
Another agreed and said I make people laugh at the wrong times.
5 more agreed on the loud and obnocsious thing.
Anthony agreed and added I was racist.
Someone nicefully said I was a bit smelly, too violent, Not sleepign enough, takiung care of my health and taking school seriously.

my ex-boss said I had disgusting taste in men. he was right.

One person said I was perfect.

If you had any to add feel free.

I'll do my best to fix these things so I do not get ditched, disinherited, dropped, snubed, fired again or left by the end of the year.