Break Ups Suck, I'm Glad I'm a Tom Boy

Happy Thanksgiving to those who didn't really have anyone say it to them. There you are.

Break Ups Suck, for some. I'm not one of those people... yet. Never I hope. I have had this wonderful streak of being on the top side of all my break ups. Even if I get dumped, I kinda just shrug my shoulders and move on. I don't get sobby and weepy usually, I don't get overly attached quickly, and I'm not addicted to the idea that the first guy ( or second ) you get it from is the last and only and ever forever love of ones life.
I have a theory that when a couple breaks up, they split thier friends like a divorcing couple splits furniture. One person gets the majority of the friends and the other gets screwed. Now I may be an angry angry lizard but I'm also quite modest and incredibly charasmatic. I keep my friends. Everytime. I'm lucky and cool that way. Now don't all you silly idol-less kids out there run up and think "Gee Whiz I wish I could be like Liz, she's so great" You're half right. I am great. I'm a terrible role model tho. Don't be like me. Be like you, with Liz tendencies. It's a much better equation that way.
no no no.
I was saying-
It really sucks when some friends are caught on a fence. I for one tend not to ditch either friend in case of a break up, and I kindly request that they not ask me to choose becasue I dislike it. It's unfair to just all of a sudden lose a friend just because some shit relationship you had ended badly.
Sometimes the totally wrong person sticks with all the friends. Like Guy A is a douche bag and cheats On girl B with Girl Z. And They break up and Guy A maintains all the friends and Girl B keeps her two true blue girlfriends who tell her she's better than the douche bag she wasted all her time on and how there are plenty of other fish in the sea.
And there are.. you just need really good bait, or a hell of a rod. ( I think my rod is broken)

My bait however seems only to attract catfish ( if you don;t get that joke go look up what people use for catfish bait)

I also just realized I made a very dirty joke on myself. Ignore it.

Anyway, to all you people who lost all your friends simply because you and your significat other split up. I'm sure there are better people out there for you to spend your time on.
And to one stalkerish little shit who goes to UMBC, you have no friends for a very good reason. Learn to stop being creepy.


I have been made aware of something called "Ladders" Apparently Guys have One big ladder, and every female they know is on it somewhere. The higher up you are on a ladder the more said male wants to sleep with you. And women, you see, women have TWO ladders. A "men I would sleep with" ladder and a "friends ladder" And men are constantly afraid they they might all of a sudden find themselves on the friends ladder. I listened to an entire conversation of men talking about how and why women might possibly want said ladder.
I can't answer any of those questions. I have one ladder.

One ladder that is. And all the guys I know are near it. The higher up they are the more I want to sleep with them. The lower they are the less.. and then there are those lucky ( or unlucky few) I consider as the concrete that holds my ladder in place.

Take that however you want it.

LADDERS!

The Great Pumpkin Initiative

Maybe this is because I didn't get to carve my damn pumpkins on Halloween because Santa Claus and the Christian Riech feel the need to bulldoze over every pagans holiday. But I feel that Jack-O-Lanterns should not be restricted to Halloween. I feel that I should be able to carve a pumpkin ( or something like it) any day of the damn year ( more specifically any holiday my crazy heart desires)
I have thusly begun the Pumpkin Initiative. As we speak there are two pumpkins on my porch that I will be carving for Christmas and or New Years. ( I'm lying they'll rot until I throw them away because I'm too lazy to carve them right now)
Anyway, we'll pretend I have carved them with Santa's Decapitated head and fireworks.
Next year Starting with New Years ( Thats 1/1/08) I'll be carving a pumpkin, or an equivalent for every holiday that I can manage. Because I was cheated out of my pumpkins by that damn Santa.

It's time Halloween take some inititiave you can take over every day of the year just like Christmas!

Fuck Santa!

Dirty Jokes

In my experience everyone loves a good joke. The dirtier the joke, the raunchier the punchline the better the laugh. Hell a whole movie was made about the "Aristocrats" which is a dirty joke that gets dirtier with each and every retelling.
The dirtier and raunchier it is, the better the laugh afterwards.

Everyone loves a good dirty joke, whether it be dead babies, half dogs, cuckolded husbands, cheating wives, assholes getting theirs or naieve ones getting something a bit more than they deserved.
This idea of everyone loving a dirty Joke brings me to Nicholas Gurewitch. The famed artist and animator who brings Perry Bible Fellowship to the internet and the world. Here in Baltimore City it's printed in the City Paper. It's a truly hilarious comic ( in my opinion ) and anyone who has a slightly deviant sense of humor or even enjoys a misdirection will love this comic and I totally recommend that you check it out. He is a veritable king of forced second glances, there are several strips I've had to look at two or three times to get the subtle and yet still hilarious gem he's hidden within.

Today when I opened up the city paper to read the letters to the editor I was totally amused by something I saw, that went as follows:

"Schulz He Ain't
Thanks, City Paper, for having "This Modern World" by Tom Tomorrow. I think the cartoon strip is terrific.
On the other hand, I think The Perry Bible Fellowship by Nicholas Gurewitch sucks. Anyone who thinks that Paw feeding his dog while his child is burning to death in a barn (Oct. 17th) is funny has to be a sick asshole. This is not the first time this cartoon has depicted shit showing children being killed. A while back there was a Robin Hood Cartoon with the same demented theme.
Some guy writing Dan Savage about jerking off while watching guppies fuck is funny. The Pain - When Will It End? Is adult humor. Yuk Yuk!
But killing kids is not funny, Gurewitch, lay off!!
GERALD BEN SHARGEL
baltimore"


For those of you who do ot know anything of any of the names above, that's why I linked them. Tom Tomorrow's comic is a very politically oriented comic. It'salso very liberal. Savage Love is a sex advice colomounist, he's very famous and has a hilarious podcast I listen to as well. The Pain When Will it end is also a very popular comic.
Here's my problem tho. The kind of stuff that Dan Savage ends up answering are much much more bizarre than someone killing a kid in a comic strip. So why is it that when someone whacks off to guppies fucking or is in trouble becuase he slept with his bosses wife but doesn;t regret it because his sex life is so starved. How is that FUNNY, and a non graphic depcition of kids possibly getting killed isn't?

I'm sorry Gerald, ( which seems like a very old man name anyway) you lay off. If it wasn;t funny. Then it wouldn't have been published. You're just some uptight stuck up old guy living in Baltimore wanting to push his po'ed ideas on everyone else.
If you didn't find it funny no need to write a nasty letter to the city paper. You are more than entitled to your opinion, but no one else wanted to read it.


Dirty jokes are an outlet for things we wish would happen, and want to imagine. Besides kids are loud whiny smelly annoying and not mine. If a few of them are depicted being killed whats the big deal? Are you also deeply offended by the portrayl of pedophiles on Law and Order?

Anyway. It's almost midnight and I was acosted by some truly ignorant hoodies tonight. That however is a story for another time about prolonging steretypes.

I owe you all a link to dramatica this one is a sell out.