I know I say that alot, and I'm totally going to get shit on for cussing out Santa ( which I actually did flip of Santa the other day. And it was righteously awesome ) But what the fuck Santa? Why the fuck are you in Halloween?
You aren't supposed to come the fuck around for TWO MORE MONTHS! Why are you skipping turkey day? Everyone has to give thanks that that they don't have to frickin worry about it being december yet. If I'm not mistaken there are 12 months in the year and every christian in the god damn world insists you get december, do not taking my fucking october from me.
I'm not in elementary school anymore, I don't get to go trick or treating, that went out the window the year I hit 6 foot in height. My halloweens consist of parties where I plan on getting trashed enough that I vaguely remember who I saw and what I did. They also consist of carving two pumpkins. One before I drink and one after I'm too drunk to properly wield a knife. ( they both usually turn out great)
This year I didn't get a chance to get two rather large pumpkins before the party so I went ON HALLOWEEN to a Giant down the street from Campus. And what did my poor eyes behold as I crossed the threshold?
SANTA CLAUS!
Fucking little chocolates with Santa's face, and christmas decorations, red green and white cookies and fucking reindeer and penguins in scarves and hats and shit. Where are the goblins and ghouls and witches of the night! Where is the half price halloween candy that I wish to plan on gorging on once I'm inebriated? Where is the gloriousness of scaring the crao out of children and stealing buckets of candy from pansy ass people too lazy to actually hand it out?
None of it was there! It wasn't there to be found! Only fucking SANTA CLAUS PARAPHANELIA!
Now don;t get me wrong I wouldn't have minded so much if he hadn't just like charged right over thanksgiving, but to invade a sacred candy day?
Sorry Santa, You've gone to fucking far.
Wednesday, October 31, 2007
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